A Review of Validation: The New Psychology of Influence by Caroline Fleck

Validation is a practical and fun guide to one of the most overlooked interpersonal skills: making others feel seen and understood. Drawing from her skills as a clinical psychologist, and with a focus on Dialectical Behaviour Therapy, Caroline Fleck dismantles the misconception that validation is simply agreeing or comforting. Instead, validation is shown to strengthen trust, deescalate conflict, deepen relationships and create the conditions for meaningful change.

Backed up by evidence-based research, Fleck’s rallying cry for validation serves as an accessible guide for transforming relationships at work, at home, or with oneself.

The Validation Ladder – a practical guide for meaningful change

The eight-step Validation Ladder serves as a handy framework, guiding readers through simple acknowledgment to deeper empathy. For leaders, coaches, and anyone interested in sharpening their emotional intelligence, it offers a practical guide for building psychological safety and enhancing communication.
While validation is shown to be a powerful tool for influencing, Fleck acknowledges the ethical responsibility that comes with this skill – validation must always be authentic, not a strategy for manipulation, she argues.

A book for everyone

Although the light-hearted tone and jokey style may frustrate some readers, it will undoubtedly delight most. Potentially complex concepts are simplified with relatable scenarios and anecdotes ranging from hilarious to tragic.
Validation is accessible and readable. While the underlying psychological constructs may be complex, tools are presented simply and clearly. For example, for empathetic listening, the ‘A Game’ invites readers to let go of immediate retorts and consider the speaker’s viewpoint. Two simple questions help to listen with intention: ‘What’s a better way to make their point? Why does it matter to them?’

When things don’t go to plan

A highlight of the book concerns the correction of validation mistakes. For example, a desire to step in and rescue may be a natural response based on good intentions, however it rarely helps. Here a ‘when to act or not to act’ Q&A checklist offers a handy guide. Similarly, when a desire to connect by sharing personal stories strays the focus away from a grieving person, Fleck offers tips to refocus the conversation immediately back on the conversation partner.

A fun learning resource

Validation is carefully constructed for a brilliant learning experience, with sticky metaphors, concise chapter summaries, and practical, relatable tales throughout. Readers are urged to avoid the negativity bias trap and seek to understand others: ‘ignore the fangs and focus first on the mane’.

This book is for everyone. For coaches, leaders, parents and carers, or anyone interested in improving relational effectiveness, Validation is accessible and transformative. We hope you enjoy it and look forward to hearing your feedback.

For more, including resources and videos referenced in the book, visit: https://drcarolinefleck.com/book/

Review written by Nina Hobson, Barefoot in-house coach and tutor.