‘Me, Coercive? Never!’

Power, Presence, and Self-Awareness in Coaching

How often do you stop to reflect on the impact you have as a coach? Not just the outcomes or insights your clients gain, but the felt experience of being coached by you.

Even with the best of intentions, it’s possible that the way we show up, our tone, pace, or preferred style, can subtly influence, or even pressure, our clients. This isn’t about doing something “wrong”; it’s about recognising that coaching is never a neutral act. Every question, silence, or smile carries influence.

The Subtle Power of the Coach
As coaches, we all have power — the ability to shape the space, to invite reflection, and to influence what’s explored. Most of the time, this power is used positively and with integrity. But it’s worth asking ourselves: Are there moments when our personal preferences might steer the session in ways we don’t intend?

Consider the following examples:

• A fast-paced approach to goals and actions.
• An achievement-driven mindset, pushing clients towards “bigger and better”.
• A tendency to “rescue” or over-support clients.
• A desire to be liked, admired, or thanked.
• High levels of self-disclosure, perhaps sharing too much of your own story.
• A preference for deep emotional conversations, even when clients aren’t ready.
• Overdoing belief in your client’s potential, the “You’ve got this!” moment (perhaps even with a high-five!)
  
  

Each of these comes from a positive place. Care, enthusiasm, connection.

But when overused, they can subtly shift the coaching relationship away from curiosity and towards coercion.

Reflective Questions for Coaches

Take a moment to reflect:

• Which of these behaviours might show up in your coaching?
• How could your personal style create pressure, even unintentionally?
• What might your clients want more of from you?
• What might they want less of?
• And how would it feel to be coached by you?

Supervision: The Space to See Yourself Clearly

Coaching supervision offers the ideal space to explore questions like these. Safely, compassionately, and with professional curiosity.

Supervision helps you step back and see the patterns in your practice, the places where your enthusiasm, empathy, or energy may unintentionally lead the session.

It’s not about judging your coaching; it’s about understanding it.

When we understand the influence we bring into the room, we become more flexible, ethical, and effective.

So, next time you find yourself thinking, “Me, coercive? Never!” take it as an invitation.

A moment to pause, reflect, and ask: How can I use my power more consciously, more gently, and more in service of the client’s growth?