6,000 Trained Coaches Globally
30 Years’ Coaching Expertise
6,000 Trained Coaches Globally
30 Years’ Coaching Expertise
When we talk about building the coaching relationship, it can sound deceptively simple: Demonstrate warmth and interest. Listen. Don’t talk too much but do ask thoughtful open questions. Be supportive but not directive.
However, beneath this apparent simplicity is a rich legacy of psychological thinking about what it requires to be in a helping relationship with another person who is struggling, searching, or who finds themself at a life or work threshold.
Coaching did not invent the relational foundations it rests on. We inherited them largely from Humanistic, Psychodynamic, Gestalt and Integrative psychological traditions and then adapted them for a non-clinical, coaching context.
Understanding the ‘origin story’ of building the coaching relationship can deepen our practice. It also reminds us that building, maintaining and nurturing the coaching relationship is not something to get out of the way at the beginning before moving on to the ‘real work,’ but it is the primary intervention.
The most explicit influence on coaching relationship in our Flagship course comes from humanistic psychology, and particularly the work of Carl Rogers. Writing in the mid-20th century, Rogers challenged the prevailing medical models of psychotherapy. He proposed instead that people have an innate tendency towards growth, health and self-direction which he called self-actualisation.
From this emerged the Person-Centred approach, built on three core conditions:
Rogers’ radical claim was that when these conditions are present, change follows – not because the practitioner has the answers, but because the relationship creates enough trust and safety for people to access their own understanding.
Unconditional positive regard does not mean agreement. It means suspending evaluation long enough for the client to think freely, without feeling the need to manage the coach’s approval.
The belief that clients are resourceful and whole, the emphasis on non-judgement and the commitment to meeting the client where they are, rather than where we think they should be, is now a core principle in coaching.
Coaching questions from a Rogerian perspective:
While humanistic psychology emphasised warmth and trust, psychodynamic traditions remind us that safety is also structural. Early psychoanalytic thinkers were acutely aware that the therapeutic relationship carries power, projection, dependency and expectation, whether we acknowledge it or not.
Contracting, from this perspective, is psychological containment.
Clear agreements about purpose, boundaries, confidentiality, roles and responsibilities create what is often described in psychodynamic work as a ‘safe container.’ This is a space that can hold difficulty and uncertainty without the work losing clarity or safety.
In coaching, this matters more than we sometimes admit. Clients bring their own histories of authority, attachment, compliance, rebellion, and fear into the room. We must not forget that coaches do too!
This is where concepts such as transference and counter-transference become relevant. Clients may unconsciously relate to the coach as a parent, teacher, critic, rescuer or judge. Coaches may feel unusually protective, irritated, impressed or anxious with certain clients.
These dynamics are not signs of poor practice. They are signs of being human in relationship to another. What matters is whether the coach can notice them, reflect on them, and avoid acting them out.
Coaching questions from a Freudian perspective: For coaches to ask their clients
*These are also good self-supervision questions for coaches
Gestalt psychology adds another vital layer: the idea that the coaching relationship is not something the coach provides, but something that is co-created in the moment.
Rather than seeing the coach as a neutral observer, Gestalt thinking emphasises presence, contact, and awareness of what is happening between coach and client. The relationship is dynamic. It shifts as attention, energy, emotion and meaning move in the room.
This perspective invites coaches to pay attention not only to content, but to process:
It also allows the coach’s own experience to be a source of information, held lightly and used with curiosity rather than certainty.
A sense of boredom, urgency, warmth or distance may tell us something about the relational field coach and client are both participating in.
Coaching Questions from a Gestalt Perspective: For coaches to ask their clients
*These are also good self-supervision questions for coaches
Psychosynthesis brings the focus inward, reminding us that the quality of the coaching relationship is inseparable from the coach’s level of self-awareness.
This integrative psychology emphasises disidentification: the ability to notice thoughts, emotions, roles and patterns without being run by them. For coaches, this means recognising when our “inner helper,” “expert,” “rescuer” or “people pleaser” steps in and choosing how to respond rather than reacting automatically.
A coach, who is aware of their own triggers and preferences, can create a relationship in which clients can explore theirs.
Coaching Questions from a Psychosynthesis Perspective: For coaches to ask their clients
*These are also good self-supervision questions for coaches
Just in case we haven’t made the point enough times!
“It is the relationship that heals, not the therapist.”
(Yalom, The Gift of Therapy, 2002)
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Chief Executive Office - MBA, PCC
Develop your coaching skills with ICF Level 2 accredited training — blending tools, psychology, and practice, grounded in real coaching experience. Open to all backgrounds, with University of Chester options.
Our workplace coaching offer develops leaders and teams through practical tools, psychology, and real coaching expertise — building cultures of trust, resilience, and performance across every organisation.
Our Leader as Coach programme equips leaders with coaching skills to inspire, engage, and empower. Blending theory with practice, it transforms everyday conversations into opportunities for growth.
This dynamic programme blends advanced learning on group and team dynamics with practical coaching experience — empowering you to coach teams confidently. Accredited with 40 ICF CCE points.
This pioneering programme builds the skills, insight, and empathy to coach clients through grief and loss in all its forms. Accredited with 40 ICF CCE points.
Develop your coaching skills with ICF Level 2 accredited training — blending tools, psychology, and practice, grounded in real coaching experience. Open to all backgrounds, with University of Chester options.
Our workplace coaching offer develops leaders and teams through practical tools, psychology, and real coaching expertise — building cultures of trust, resilience, and performance across every organisation.
Our Leader as Coach programme equips leaders with coaching skills to inspire, engage, and empower. Blending theory with practice, it transforms everyday conversations into opportunities for growth.
This dynamic programme blends advanced learning on group and team dynamics with practical coaching experience — empowering you to coach teams confidently. Accredited with 40 ICF CCE points.
This pioneering programme builds the skills, insight, and empathy to coach clients through grief and loss in all its forms. Accredited with 40 ICF CCE points.
Develop your coaching skills with ICF Level 2 accredited training — blending tools, psychology, and practice, grounded in real coaching experience. Open to all backgrounds, with University of Chester options.
Our workplace coaching offer develops leaders and teams through practical tools, psychology, and real coaching expertise — building cultures of trust, resilience, and performance across every organisation.
Our Leader as Coach programme equips leaders with coaching skills to inspire, engage, and empower. Blending theory with practice, it transforms everyday conversations into opportunities for growth.
This dynamic programme blends advanced learning on group and team dynamics with practical coaching experience — empowering you to coach teams confidently. Accredited with 40 ICF CCE points.
This pioneering programme builds the skills, insight, and empathy to coach clients through grief and loss in all its forms. Accredited with 40 ICF CCE points.
