Have I Told You About The Time I…?

Thoughts on the use of personal anecdotes and self-disclosure in Adult Learning by Kim Morgan, Barefoot Coaching Founder & CEO

Some time ago I attended a course in which the facilitators told us up front that their teaching style would include anecdotes and personal examples. They had many years of specialist experience, and they hoped that sharing stories from their practice would accelerate our learning.

At first, I thought this was a great way of giving a context and a rationale for their facilitation style and managing the group’s expectations.

Then, after a few sessions, I found myself becoming increasingly uncomfortable with how often and for how long I was listening to their stories.

I started to zone out each time I heard another anecdote arriving and began wondering:

• Was it safe to tell so many clients’ stories from a confidentiality point of view?
• What more valuable input was I missing in place of the anecdotes?
• Was this education or entertainment?
• Were their success stories so impressive that they undermined my confidence, rather than building it?
• Was it possible that the facilitators were bragging a bit, at the expenses of the learners’ experience?

FULL DISCLOSURE!  I have been a coach and facilitator for many years myself so of course I have lots of stories of my own to tell – and, yes, I do tell them! I suspected that the discomfort I was feeling could be the result of the metaphorical mirror being held up to me and my not liking what I saw.

I started thinking about the potential benefits of personal anecdotes/self-disclosure for learners:

• Examples can bring theories and concepts to life.
• Adults learn by hearing stories and by making their own meanings and conclusions from them, rather than by receiving direct instructions or messages.
• Facilitator self-disclosure can lead the way and set the tone for learners to share their own thoughts, feelings, and vulnerabilities.
• Sharing of mistakes, uncertainties and disappointments by educators can be a useful technique to normalize those experiences for learners.
• It can help to establish an adult learning environment and prevent any tendency for the ‘teacher’ to be idealized by the group.
• Adult learning theorists encourage educators to serve as ‘facilitators of learning rather than content transmitters’ Knowles (1984).

And the potential risks:

• The facilitator playing to their own personal learning preferences, not ‘reading the room’ or respecting different individual learning styles. Lack of attunement to the group. Group members losing interest.
• Frequency. Overuse can lead to facilitator self-indulgence, disguised as a teaching device.
• Content of the anecdote. Facilitators have no way of knowing whether the stories they share might remind individuals in the group of painful experiences in their own lives, which could leave them feeling distressed or overwhelmed.
• If the facilitator only shares their own experience, rather than pulling from the group – they aren’t modelling an inclusive teaching practice and people who are different from the facilitator may feel that their reality isn’t represented

I now ask myself the following questions to help me decide if I am making a conscious decision to use an anecdote for the benefit of the group, or if I am just being self-indulgent:

• What is my intention and motivation in sharing this story?
• How might this story support and facilitate the group’s learning and provide new insights?
• Which is more important – the timing of this anecdote or the content?
• To what extent am I considering the different learning styles and experiences within the group?
• How could I know whether the details of my story might be too sensitive or unsettling for some individuals?
• How do I engage with the group before, during and after sharing my story?
• How can I ensure that I am in emotional control of what I am sharing?
• If I couldn’t share anecdotes with the group, what might I do instead? What might be the impact of that on me and the group?
• If the effective use of story-telling and self-disclosure were seen as competencies, how would I assess myself?
• ‘Why am I talking?’ (WAIT) is always a question I ask myself, whether I’m working with groups or individuals.

Can you think of times when the use of personal anecdote or self-disclosure has worked well for you, or times when a personal anecdote has jarred or been unsuccessful for you – either as a deliverer or a learner? What can you learn from these moments?

By the way, it hasn’t escaped my attention that this article starts with my story about me as a learner!